Tuesday, 24 January 2012

The Metaphorical Mask

If you don't know me, this is going to be a strange blog for you to be reading.
I have been blogging for over a year now, on "The Official Blog of Mika Saint", a blog in which I write of my rants, ramblings, adventures and daily going ons.
The nature of the blog above is light hearted and a lot of the time comedic. This blog most likely won't be.
I will be using this blog to document the changes I go through over 2012 and further on, mentally and physically.
There are many things this blog could cover and most of them will be personal, so understand me when I warn you now, that this isn't going to be a "fun" read. Well, maybe for some of you, but that's a different story.

The metaphorical mask is the first topic I shall discuss here. The mask I speak of is the one that nearly everybody wears. The smiling, happy, sociable mask. The mask that disguises what lies beneath. I've been wearing this one for quite some time.
This isn't to say that when you see me smile, I'm not happy. This is not to say when I am having fun, it's all a ruse. This IS to say that as happy as I am, there's a part of me that is curled up in a ball of self-consciousness. There are a lot of different insecurities that we all face. I won't be even begin to list the different vices that people may have.
Mine however, is my weight.

When I was younger, I was weedy. There was truely nothing to me.
As I grew up and out of the "alternative" clothes, metabolism kicked in and general growth occured.
Natural things such as bone growth etc. which are unavoidable are things that I am fine with. However, throughout 2010 and 2011 I gained alot of weight compared to the years before, and I slowly became unfit and out of shape. This is still pretty much the case.
Although this is not a radical weight change, it is something that weighs, forgive the pun, on my mind regularly and have become my biggest hatred about myself.
My mother even noticed this insecurity, mentioning how I was always wearing my coats, even through the warmer, sunnier days. I passed this off as a fashion-conscious thing, but it was really a way to cover myself up somewhat.

It is now in 2012, that I am going to face my demons and slay them. As of the end of this blog post, I am cutting out all snacks (Crisps, chocolate, sweets and the like) and only eating the required meals, such as breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper, unless I'm out of the house or asleep and miss one.
I have tried this before, and ultimately failed, so this blog is to motivate myself. I'm making this promise not only to myself, but to anyone who reads this.
I don't want to let anyone down, especially myself.
On top of this, I will also be performing atleast one hour of physical activity a day, be it walking, running, cycling or anything else.
The only drawbacks I see to this are on days where the weather is atrocious, which isn't rare here.
I would like an exercise bike to counteract this, but I don't see myself getting one any time soon due to money issues.
I will be going swimming more often also, which is going to be my biggest fear faced, due to it being a public area and being very self conscious, though thankfully I have very excited companion who demands pool-time.

I hope if anyone reads this and has their own insecurities and fears will find some motivation in this and try and help themselves also. Many people say "be happy in what you are" or "you're perfect just the way you are", but sometimes that's not enough, when it comes to your own view of yourself.

In 2012, I am going to experience my metamorphosis. It's not as simple as forming a cocoon to become "beautiful". It takes changes and a lot of dedication and work.
I am hoping, with this blog, I will succeed to find the power to do both. And when I do, I can finally remove my mask.

Thank you for reading.

1 comment:

  1. If you need any help sorting out a diet plan let me know (Like a sensible healthy eating plan with the right nutrients, not an " only eat an apple and a tin of tuna per day" kinda diet)

    Also, I suggest getting a tumblr account, even if you don't use it for blogging I can give you a LOT of "thinspiration" or "fitspiration" tumblrs to follow that are full of exercises, work out tips, healthy eating tips and cool recipe ideas.:3

    I'm sure if you've been reading through my blogs you'll know I'm doing something similar, so gimme a shout if you need any help.:3

    Protein is the key! Make sure you get PLENTY of protein to make sure your body uses your fat stores instead of breaking down your muscles.^_^