|The real Mika Saint before going to a club. No makeup etc.|
I'm afraid of growing up and having to take responsibility for my own path in life.
Everyone has dreams when they're younger, dreams of being in a job of some sort.
"I want to be a fireman!"
"I want to be a journalist!"
Hell, even going through school, there were people who knew what they wanted to do.
I'm constantly asked by my mum and others, "Well what is it you want to do?"
It's not that simple. It's not like I have a plan in my head for what it is I want to do.
I really, really don't know.
"Well think! What do you like doing?"
That doesn't help. I like lying in bed, going for long walks and travelling.
I tried Travel and Tourism in college, but it wasn't for me. It covered customer service, tour guides, cabin crew, travel agents and all sorts of jobs. The only part of the course I enjoyed was doing essays on different cities, and even then, the ones they made us research were boring.
I just want to travel the world and see different cities and cultures.
I want people to know my name. I want to be popular and for all attention to be on me for something.
"Well what is it you want to be known for doing?"
And we come full circle. I don't know. I don't have hobbies. I'm not a creative person.
I'm artistically retarded, musically backwards and my attention span for writing is nigh-existent.
I'd love to run my own male fashion line, as 'gay' as it sounds. It sounds possible, but in the long run, I wouldn't know where to start. I have no drawing skills etc. so even getting designs to print would be out of my reach. Hell, if someone wants to give me a hand with this and draw up t-shirt prints, I'll be happy to do as much business-side work as I have to. This kinda comes form my love of clothing lines such as Affliction, Xzavier etc.
Another job I'd love? Critic. Be it a movie critic or holiday destination critic, I'd love to be able to blog and write down my reviews of different things and have read by thousands. Maybe for a magazine or paper? I find it unfair that celebrities and those who already have tonnes of money get sent to all these different amazing locations of the world to do shows and travel programmes.
Hey, BBC. Hey, Sky. There's plenty of young, aspiring people who have an absolutely love of travel and different cultures who can only dream of being given the chance to go to all these places and bring home their unique travel videos. I'd do a damn good job of it, if you don't mind me saying it. Hell, give me and my best friend a camera and a return flight to anywhere in the world, and we'll bring you back the most entertaining travel documentary you've ever seen.
As I said, these are simply dreams.
The highest I'll ever reach? Probably an office job. World proccessing and taking phone calls.
It may sound like I'm shooting below my potential, but in this current economy where I've applied for so many jobs and either got turned down due to "heavily amounts of applicants", or "not enough experience", I don't see myself reaching any higher.
I'm 20 next month, and it's getting to that time where I should already be well into the progression towards my occupation field of choice. Well guess what? I'm still as clueless as I was ten years ago.
On the exercise side of things, I'm feeling more confident already. Although cutting out junk food hasn't gone completely to plan, I have managed to cut down on it. It's not the success I was hoping for, but if it leads to where I need to go, so be it.
I've been walking a lot, lifting weights (two 8.5kg dumbbells), doing push ups, sit ups/crunches and have began to go swimming again. I'm going to make it a weekly activity, as I feel like it will really help me along the way. When I finish this blog, I'm going to go a walk, even though it's freezing. The weather in this country really makes exercise outdoors hard. I can't wait 'til Spring/Summer.
Oh well, I'm just glad my confidence has lifted slightly in myself. Even if it's not much, I do feel a tad better.
Let's keep it up! Thank you to my beautiful girlfriend for the motivation, and to all my friends for their help and kind words.